Part VIII. Responsibilities
We cannot shed our responsibilities in the shadow of death.
When life is threatened, we naturally become self-absorbed. One of our first lessons is that our survival depends in part on how well we meet our many responsibilities, to others as well as ourselves. Responsibility begins with clearly understanding and firmly accepting that we are and will be responsible and accountable. Only then can we meet our responsibilities to ourselves and then successfully turn to fulfilling our responsibilities to others.
––John Roberts
To all my wars, it’s I who have to go.
––Yehuda Amichai
We do have a sense of duty, and many people would say that, whatever else, the meaning of life is doing your duty––to God, country, family, and employer.
––Roberts C. Solomon, The Big Questions, 3rd Ed., 1990
“Deeds not words!” we’ve been told by sages and poets through the millennia. Whether or not we act responsibly determines how we are seen––since what we do will, to a great extent, determine whether we are worthy of self-respect and the respect of other people.
––Colin Greer and Herbert Kohl, Ed., A Call to Character, 1995
You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about––the more you have left when anything happens.
––Ethel Barrymore, Age 76
The quality of our lives is not determined by the happenstance of genetics or by the influence of environment; it is not measured in material possessions or in the trappings of youth; it is not dependent on personality or social acclaim. On the contrary, the intrinsic value of the lives we lead reflects the strength of a single trait: our personal character.
––Russell W. Gough. Character is Destiny, 1998
As cancer patients, more even than our doctors and caregivers, we have some serious responsibilities. It is natural that we selfishly hope that the medical profession and our loved ones will show a strong sense of responsibility to us; but, we have large responsibilities to them in return. There are ways we should repay them for what they do for us. And, more than that, we have heavy responsibilities to ourselves and to each other.
In addition to the chapters that follow, we must remain focused on other responsibilities such as a sense of humor, taking care of loved ones and other patients, setting a good example, and taking advantage of opportunities such as those in the previous section. Indeed, it may be said that we have a responsibility to ourselves and our loved ones of fighting illness in as many ways as possible in order to improve our longevity and chances of cure. Someday they too will face a similar responsibility.
As illness becomes worse, responsibility may be shared, but the patient is the best person to make many decisions and insure that certain things are done in the preferred, responsible way. In the midst of the problems and the sense of loss and grief felt by all, a strong and sensible patient can set the tone of the remaining time. That is especially important to loved ones who are having difficulty dealing with the emotions of the situation.
Many responsibilities are obvious, we learn them as we mature, as we have to face them. Others, however, are not so easy to discern, and there may be a tendency to avoid or overlook them. There is a difference in life between those responsibilities that are really obligations of character and position, while others may be optional and charitable in nature. These we have to seek, and have the nature to take them seriously. Our success in these may be known only to ourselves, and build our self-respect.
The best way to meet all our responsibilities is to fight and stay alive. That is the greatest reward we can give loved ones and doctors who care so much. As we practice that calm, dealing with our duties, we set an example for those around us who must try hard to do the same. It does not lessen the love and care that people feel during this difficult time if the patient shows the same courage and determination that others need to demonstrate.
