Preface
Your own attitude is your brightest guiding star.
Some of success is doing what you like to do. But, more of it is doing the things you don’t like to do, but must. It is too easy to make an excuse, and not do it, and fail.
–John Roberts
To affirm life is to deepen, and to exalt the will to live.
––Albert Schweitzer
He that dies in an earnest pursuit is like one that is wounded in hot blood, who, for the time, scarce feels the hurt;
and therefore a mind fixed and bent upon somewhat that is good doth avert the dolors of death.
––Francis Bacon, Of Death, 1625
I love the man that can smile in trouble,
That can gather strength from distress,
And grow brave by reflection.
“Tis the business of little minds to shrink,
but he whose heart is firm,
and whose conscience approves his conduct,
will pursue his principles unto death.
––Thomas Paine
The past is a bucket of ashes, so live not in your yesterdays, nor just for tomorrow, but in the here and now. Keep moving and forget the post-mortems.
––Carl Sandburg
This book was written for people newly diagnosed with cancer -- and for their families. The days and weeks after getting diagnosed with cancer are so confusing -- at least they were for me. There are so many decisions to make, and so many emotions swirl. When I was diagnosed I didn't want to read dry medical information. I wanted to hear from someone who had been where I now was. So that's the book I tried to write -- like a friend walking with a friend down a difficult path.
––Amy Givler, M.D., Hope in the Face of Cancer, 2003
More than half of all people newly diagnosed with cancer will be cured or given extended remission. They will die of something else. Of the other half, a large number have treatable cancer and they still have many years to live. The remainder, probably including me, have learned that they have incurable cancer that has grown too strong or spread and taken root in such places that it cannot be killed or removed and death is likely in the next few months or years. Nevertheless, normally incurable cancer and conventional predictability sometimes fail, and others may prolong life by fighting with strong mental and physical effort.
As the disease progresses and is treated, and science advances, sometimes in great leaps, we are rarely sure of which group we are in. That uncertainty, that hope, and the dreadful power of cancer, calls for great strength of character and effort in both patients and those around them. This books is about that.
The animal instinct to survive is, in humans alone, expanded in our unique cortex to something much greater––the intelligent understanding of self-awareness and an intense desire to prolong the experience, growth, and emotion of life. The human spirit, beyond the mere motivation of existence, is largely responsible for all that our species has conquered and achieved. It is an essential quality to be trained, treasured, and put to use, and one of the finest ways is to survive, continue, and improve our exceptional life through our collective and individual intellect.
In the last century, medical science, the visibility of living in distant years, and the recognition that we are, and can be, responsible for increasing our own longevity have added decades to our life span. We now know how to detect, treat, and cure major diseases, and to maintain a healthy body and mind to support that fight. Human lifespan has lengthened more in the last 100 years than any other century. But, there are still wars to be won against the major chronic diseases. The prevention and cures for stroke, heart disease, diabetes, and lung disease are relatively easy to see and apply compared to the deep, multiple problems of cellular cancer. Nevertheless, tremendous progress has recently been made, and hope is replacing despair.
Every person with cancer has their own personal version. The future for most of us is highly unpredictable, with many degrees of progression, prognosis, aspiration, and fatalism. Much depends on the variable consequences of the individual’s cancer and the relentless progress of medicine that can treat it. Extension of survival time continues to progress, and more Magic Bullets are being found. We can learn the current average survival time for our condition, but we cannot know if we will die a lot sooner or a lot later or of some other cause. Cancer, searching around in hidden corners and trying to mutate or multiply inside our minute cells, does not progress evenly; but it taunts us with its insidious, erratic, and initially harmless attacks. Even when it seems to disappear, it often returns, sometimes in another evil form. We live on a long, dark road, surrounded by great danger, not knowing where or how far lies the end.
Much of where we will travel on that mountainous path depends on our attitude. One thing that is largely within our control is how we will think and live in the time remaining. A positive determination to make the most of that treasured period and to maintain a strong will to live has a bearing on the quality of the life that remains, the success of the battles we will fight, and the manner and dignity of our death. In my case, that spirit derives from my early career as a fighter pilot, in which I learned to eliminate fear and weakness in the face of danger and death long before I went to combat. I discovered early in my flying experience that uncontrolled apprehension and panic when things go wrong merely assure failure or disaster; with learned and practiced mental discipline, this confusion may be set aside so that the brain can calmly concentrate on solving the problem and getting the job done. In the years that followed, I learned how to build my confidence and suppress the logical fears in order to command and enjoy the thrills of mountain climbing, bobsledding, aerobatics, parachuting, ocean sailing, scuba diving and other sports. I have no psychological regret over being an insecure, wimpy kid who needed such ways to build the inner discipline that carries me today. Thus I live, to this day and forever. Each of us does the same, to some degree, in our own way.
In contrast with many of you reading this, I have cancer, but thus far no symptoms, no worry, no fear, no interruption in my daily life of happiness and the pleasures of challenge. With mild surprise, the news did not come as a shock and I have never worried about it. It is simply another problem to be dealt with, the result of a military mind and forethought. As a runner for 50 years, a marathoner, still a tough, long-distance biker, I know no heart attack or stroke will get me, so cancer is the logical alternative, someday. And, I can’t complain about living for only 75 years.
I have already lived six years longer than my parents, who also died of cancer. I have enjoyed more length and quality of life than 99.99% of all those humans who have ever lived. My diverse, restless life has given me more joy, adventure, challenge, and reward, with swirling storms of success and failure, than most people can imagine. With my fighter pilot determination, I will fight on, earning some more time, seeking the cure, but slip away in peace and perception when my mission is complete.
So, through bumps and brambles, and crawling away from a few bad crashes, I have applied those lessons in self-control and the value of positive spirit to everything in life. On too many occasions, this has led me to serious mistakes when I have minimized or even overlooked the consequences of risk, ambition, adventure, and undeveloped character. But, although that has harmed my family and led me in and out of careers, I’ll take it over a life of swimming in the shallows of regret and safety. A compromise and greater care of my loved ones would have been in order. Yet, now, I welcome and continue to construct the self-confidence and self-respect, gradually annealed with hard-earned contrition, humility, judgment, and wisdom, that is my final temperament.
Beneath my audacious self-confidence and happiness, some of those malevolent, metastasized, untreatable prostate cancer cells in my bones are silently multiplying and trying to migrate to other parts of my body to establish deadly new colonies; the immune system that is trained to fight them will eventually weaken, symptoms will emerge, pain and discouragement will threaten, my optimistic attitude will be assaulted, the good cells will gradually be replaced by the evil, destructive ones, and my system will slowly and painfully shut down. My brain will stop receiving blood, its electrical, chemical and control functions will stop, and I will die and return to dust. I am prepared.
Throughout, to the last day, I will try to live my life with joy and adventure, ignoring as best I can the looming distractions and overwhelming suffering of loss. I do not suggest I have more courage than any other, although I do have plenty of practice in facing death daily. I merely say that I have affirmed my philosophy and fixed my mind to do my duty––to become a better person, to set a good example, to love my children, to seek happiness where I can find it, to make the best of this last adventure. It may be impossible, cancer is a monstrous enemy, but no one will try harder, no one knows better how to find the value of every minute.
I cannot expect everyone, without the advantages of my unique experience, to create or sustain such an attitude. But, I can expect you to try. I can expect your loved ones and doctors to encourage, almost demand, that you do your best. I can write down my ideas on how to do this, and I hope you will find here some kind of inspiration that applies to you and your new-found capabilities. In digging deep, you will discover things about yourself and your courage that you do not yet know you have. If you are lucky, you will learn that in living, or dying, in a positive way, you will be the victor, and you will long be remembered for it. You may not understand it now, you may never, but only by making a maximum effort will you earn the possibility of leaving with your human spirit and “unconquerable soul” intact in the warm bed of your self-respect. Whatever your personal rendition, whether you have days or decades remaining, now is the time to rejuvenate your commanding spirit and renovate the vessel of confidence and self-understanding that will carry you through the rough seas ahead to your final destination.
