V/33. Self-Confidence
You build your self-confidence by testing and requiring it.
Self-confidence is a tremendous jet engine and sense of direction inside you that overcomes all kinds of barriers to success that would otherwise end your efforts.
––John Roberts
Nobody will believe in you unless you believe in yourself.
––Liberace
Truly confident people:
Are positive thinkers (Mental)
Feel great about themselves (Emotional)
Are results oriented (Behavioral)
Surround themselves with supportive people (Relational)
Have a focused purpose and mission (Spiritual)
––Tim Ursiny, Ph.D., The Confidence Plan, 2005
Unshakable confidence is the sense of certainty we all want. The only way you can consistently experience confidence, even in environments and situations you’ve never previously encountered, is through the power of faith. Imagine and feel certain about the emotions you deserve to have now, rather than wait for them to spontaneously appear someday in the far distant future. When you’re confident, you’re willing to experiment, to put yourself on the line.
––Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, 1991
If the commitment to living is absent or weak, the chances of survival are greatly reduced. If on some level you have lost your enthusiasm for life, then you may not have the energy to pursue all avenues for healing, and your immune system may be adversely affected. I believe this commitment to life is of paramount importance, yet it is often hard to tell if people have it or not. …Often, people with cancer are not consciously aware that a loss of hope has occurred. Cancer patients need to create an internal and external atmosphere conducive to healing. Because so much depends on commitment to life, it is an essential area of exploration for people with cancer.
––David Bognar, Cancer: Increasing Your Odds for Survival, 1998
Self-confidence is clearly a core quality in the positive attitude and self-respect we need in our fight for survival. When we learn of the threat, we can build our confidence in our mental strength and victory. Our fight may involve many small victories that aid our development. Confidence built in one situation will carry over to others. So, we look for multiple opportunities to take on challenges and raise our level of achievement. Gradually, we leap across little ditches, and then greater chasms. All this strengthens our resolve, our defenses, and our belief in our ability to fight and win.
Many qualities require time to build. Integrity is the habit of a lifetime, but it is also easy for some to decide to follow some well-known rules. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is not something created by decision. It must be developed by repeated exercise and the development of the skills that serve as its foundation. We must also accept who we are, that there are limits on what we can build in ourselves. But, that must be accompanied by optimism, not pessimism, by sustained progress, not occasional attempts.
As caregivers and loved ones we suffer anguish when we see our patients literally suffering from a lack of confidence in their future. It is not something instantly remedied. It takes time to build, and the absence of that training in earlier years may be difficult to correct. It cannot be forced, so there is magic in the way an understanding caregiver can instill confidence through patient explanation and exposure to challenge. The importance of both patient and caregiver being part of a supportive group is obvious.
The twin qualities of self-respect and self-confidence are central to the character of the individual who wishes to leave a mark on a world that prefers not to reward weakness and mediocrity. One can survive sulking in the shallows, eating minnows, but the big fish, the fighters, dominate far offshore in rough oceans. Some of them even crawled up onto the land and evolved into the single dominant species among millions. It just takes time and practice, and eternal self-confidence in the genes. Self-confidence is a habit built on many foundations, over many years. Then, when great challenges come, you are ready. You can’t win unless you believe you will.
