VI/47. Aging
Life seems endless if it is full.
Aging is putting the final touches of genius on a grand work of art, including painting over the earlier mistakes.
––John Roberts
Few people know how to be old.
––La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1678
“Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.” Yes, I said, but if aging were so valuable, why do people always say, “Oh, if I were young again.” You never hear people say, “I wish I were sixty-five.”
He smiled. “You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.”
––Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie, 1997
Aging is not a disease. It is a risk factor for many diseases––in the sense that older men and women are progressively less able to marshal the forces to withstand the encroachments of sickness––but it is not in itself a form of pathology…We yet have far more influence on aspects of these processes than has until recently been realized. Not to use that influence is to allow oneself to succumb to an unjustified resignation that has marred and shortened the lives of generations of our forebears; not to use that influence is to invite debility, disease, and death.
––Sherwin B. Nuland, The Art of Aging, 2007
There is only one solution if old age is not to be an absurd parody of our former life, and that is to go on pursuing ends that give our existence a meaning––devotion to individuals, to groups or to causes, social, political, intellectual or creative work… One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others by means of love, friendship, compassion.
––Simone de Beauvoir, The Coming of Age, 1970
It has been said that the final years of life, when problems often mount, depend for their success and happiness on the quality of the long life that precedes them. If we have a strong foundation of character, achievement, family, and meaningful experience, we can transfer those things to difficult circumstances later. It calls for exceptional effort to deal with serious problems late in life if we lack that preparation.
In order to believe that our final years of wisdom have greater value than the frenetic cyclones of youth, we have to develop a clear vision, and probably a change of behavior, that is consistent with that belief. The essence of that is fighting with great spirit to prolong life against the vicissitudes of illness and aging. I believe this requires that we have that deeply imbedded self-respect that demands to be preserved and that I emphasize in this book; it means that we have made such a great improvement in our character and our understanding of the world that the contrast is obvious, at least to ourselves; and our values and actions are the same as what we are, meaning integrity. That becomes the source of our fighting spirit, and it is clearly something that improves with age as we learn how to master ourselves.
Aging is tough enough without adding the problems and hurts of disease and loneliness. Some people lose their sprit as they age, and disease only makes it worse. So, we may have two serious problems to overcome at the same time. And, we may also have more than one chronic disease, multiplying symptoms and treatments. Add to that the lifelong or accumulating problems of finances, relationships, and other matters and life can easily tip into a bed of unhappiness, depression, and hopelessness. I see people all around me who don’t see to care anymore.
Many older people have learned to adjust to a new kind of life that recognizes both the limitations of age and the value of experience and wisdom that comes with it. They understand the absolute importance of family, friends, activity, challenge, health maintenance, controlling attitudes and emotions, and enjoying each day. They know that these things, and others, will improve the quality and quantity of remaining life. They try to live as though there are many years left to enjoy, and this adds some.
